Eclectic Blog

I thought this was a very apt title. As we approach week seven million and fifty three of lockdown,  is it just me that feels it’s been that long…?

There is something rather magical about the stars. I find it rather mind-blowing to get my head around the fact that many are so old and far away and it’s taken so long for their light to reach us that they have long burnt away. We are effectively looking at a memory. How magical is that? I love the moon as well, especially a full moon, when it hangs like a shiny ten pence in the sky. As a child, I felt I could just reach up and take in my hand.

Anyway, this blog is not just me rambling on about stars and moons and how long they have been there. I would like, however, to take this moment to digress and mention star signs. I am mightily peeved to reach the long awaited May 2020, which I had carefully orchestrated (OK – that’s a stretch – it was a fluke…)

• • My son Rowan would turn 13 on the 12th (yep, we await the switch to Kevin the teenager)
  • I would turn 50 (no I can’t believe it either!) on the 28th
  • My daughter Rhianna would turn 16 on the 29th!

An amazing month of celebration, with parties galore (also my Mum is 73 on the 11th and my late sister Fleur has her celestial party wherever she is for her 46th on the 27th) So, as you can imagine a certain party pooper called Covid was not on my list of favourite guests! We all have Amazon wish lists and I’m pretty damn sure a pandemic is not on there! But I’m going to be 50 until 27th May 2021 so i will have that party! Anyway I digress. On with the stars!

A couple of years ago I met a lovely bride to be called Linzi who was to marry her partner Graham. I have rarely met a more wonderful client, so full of joy. together, we designed an ombre dress,which was quite full and which was to have an ivory star topper. During the dress journey, Linzi’s health took a turn for the worse and she had to change her wedding plans. She knew she might possibly be in a wheelchair and would definitely have a stick. She wanted a more slimline dress that she could easily manage, but she refused to give up her stars and that little bit of extra! So, as if by magic, she found some starry fabric and, using that and a version of my Rhianna Cape, the Linzistar Cape was born! It’s become one of our bestsellers; celestial themed weddings have become really popular , which I’m really pleased about because I simply love stars! I used to doodle stars over everything when I was a child, so being able to source fabrics with stars is fabulous.

Here are Linzi and Graham on their big day captured by https://belleartphotography.co.uk/and featured in Rock n Rollbride Magazine.

We now do the Linzistar in many colours: ivory with silver and gold (when I can get the fabric as it’s like gold dust, or should that be stardust?), ivory with gold, champagne with gold, ivory with pink and lilac, pink with pink and lilac, midnight blue with silver and finally simple ivory on ivory for the more sedate star lovers.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/806128641/linzistar-cape-star-veil-embroidered

About a year ago a colleague of mine Nicola from Not so Average Wedding challenged me to make a star dress for the cover of her new magazine The Alternative Wedding Magazine and so the Rowan dress cosmic version was created, and modelled on one of my favourite places Marsden Beach. Photo by https://www.instagram.com/thewildloveclub/. You can buy this magazine here http://alternativeweddingmagazine.co.uk/shop

Every week I have a virtual coffee morning hosted by the wonderful Linzi Barford from http://unconventionalwedding.co.uk and I rashly make a promise to Linzi and the other virtual novelty mug tea drinking wedding suppliers who drop in and keep me sane, to make something each week. Last week brought you the Pink starry Andromeda dress, this week I bring you Starlight Rowan available on etsy. Looking fabulous in the sunlight, and in artificial light, so you can imagine what you would look like twinkling on your big day.

I managed an impromptu photo shoot on my own in the Studio carpark, and the mannequins were all well behaved and tried to social distance, but then remembered as they were all headless it was fine to cluster together for photos. I’m hoping I have a queue like this when I reopen 🤣

I’ve pulled together a selection of images of Linzistar and Rowan for you to enjoy. I’ve credited the photographer, BUT there is an awesome team behind every image.  I could not supply you with such beautiful images without all the amazing suppliers I have been privileged to work with. Please contact me if you like what you see and I can point you to the full team behind each image.🖤

Tonight, go outside with a rug, lie down and stare at the stars and the moon –  really stare. In a time of uncertainty like this its great to have something beautiful and timeless to gaze upon. If you live near the sea, even better…

Enjoy these images. Until next time, love from Bexbrides and Eclecticbrides team: Bex , Marie and Christine ( and behind the scenes Chris my hubby and tech support, Rhianna my often times model and Rowan my ginger tea maker…)Xxx

Love to you all

Bex (aged 49 and 49/52ths…)

These 2 images taken at Arnos Vale by https://www.leeshawilliamsphoto.com

These 4 photos at Northshire by https://www.paylorphotography.co.uk

The image below was taken just before lockdown at Camp Katur by https://www.paylorphotography.co.uk

This below was taken at Newcastle Castle by https://www.victoriaspongephotography.co.uk/

And finally a few more beauties from https://www.instagram.com/thewildloveclub/ at Marsden for http://alternativeweddingmagazine.co.uk

Hi, my lovely followers! How are you all doing?

Have you learnt a new skill, become a home teacher, enjoyed your family time, made the most of the situation??

Hmmm?? Maybe? But probably if you are like me, you are just surviving, relishing the small victories: “OMG, a bag of flour!”; “ooh only 30 people in the supermarket queue”; “Yeay! Its sunny again…”

I’ve been juggling the other issues: bills to pay, mortgage and credit card holidays to arrange, checking the children are doing their school work… I’ve a son, Rowan, who will be 13 in a few days and he is quite happy with lockdown, apart from the school work is not interesting/ challenging enough and he is reluctantly dragged out on a walk every eve). I’ve also got a  daughter who will be 16 this month – the day after I turn 50 actually – she has no school work as her GCSEs were cancelled and (apart from her daily bike ride) she only leaves her room to eat… She is living up in her attic bedroom like a cross between Miss Havisham and the first Mrs Rochester, with her unworn prom dress for company. She has become fully nocturnal and her weird shrieks of laughter whilst connected with her friends via social media  keep me awake like some sort of weird bird of the night.

My husband is a teacher and is teaching online. Only half a dozen out of 30 kids turn up to each lesson he has painstakingly prepared, and the shifts he has covered in school, with 10 of the 1400 students who are still attending, have shown social distancing children is going to be a logistical challenge.

So whilst all this has been going on I’ve been still doing my #dailywalk, lost a few pounds, come to terms with the fact that my long planned girls trip to a fancy villa in Spain for my 50th (with my newly-16 year old daughter) will be cancelled, and there is little chance of finding a new holiday on a date in the next 12 months that all my friends are able to do. It is what it is. I’ve cried, they have cried, my travel agent must be drowning in tears and gin, I expect.

Meanwhile, I’ve been speaking to and keeping in touch with all my brides who are affected so far. I have agreed to move/ accommodate every single one.

My clients have been amazing and I cannot thank them enough for helping keep me sane, rather than cause me further distress.

I love you all!🖤🖤🖤

My bespoke clients are keeping to their original payment agreement dates, with me completing the gown to that date should restrictions be lifted, and if alterations are needed in the future, I’m doing them for free. If restrictions prohibit my completing the gown to the original date, then I’m accommodating fittings and completion closer to the new date.

For my alteration clients who either bought a dress from me or brought a dress to me to be altered, I have moved the payment, and the work/fittings closer to the new date (even thought this means me doubling my workload at peak season next year, and having a full tax year with zero wage potentially)😢

I am offering to store gowns for free for six months after original dates, and at a minimum fee after that. I have to increase my goods in trust insurance to cover this, but I want to continue to offer physical and financial protection to my clients for their dresses.🤗

Of course every week I am closed I am not selling any dresses or accessories to new brides, or being paid for any sewing, but I still have rent, insurance, marketing (which if you drop that ball you are stuffed) furloughed staff to pay, as the money is not paid back as yet (and I’m making up 20% voluntarily myself), stock package payments- yep sadly those beautiful 300+ vintage gowns and 250+ designer gowns you all get to look at and choose from to have a good choice, they all had to be paid for, some with built up funds from 10 years in business, and some are on finance. I was eligible for the small business grant -it covers my business for 16 weeks of outgoings- and so far I’ve been closed for 5/6 weeks, and as furlough is extended to end of June I’m assuming I’ll be closed at least 15 weeks. Then, who knows when weddings will start again, You can do the maths…

I know all my brides/couples are juggling an entire armada of suppliers, some in dingies, some in corporate yachts, some like myself who feel like they are in an inflatable flamingo from Home Bargains (OMG, that shop has kept me alive with almond milk, puncture repair kits and possibly the odd bottle of fruit cider 🤔)

As regards the monumental task of postponing your wedding, here is a fantastic article: see link, with great advice and resources. Oh, and can someone please deal with Martin Lewis, who appears to be trying to capsize some boats by sharing misleading information….

Sharing Perspectives on Wedding Postponements – What Couples, Venues & Suppliers Would Like Each Other To Know

SOON ( I hope!) we will have a back to business plan for the UK. Once we reopen I can sew again, and see current and future clients to do face to face consultations and fittings. I can not wait! Even if we are all in full PPE (be a challenge, but hey ho..)

However until the government are clear on plans for weddings in the future Bexbrides and all her lovely brides face an uncertain sea.

Many folk have said we are all in the same storm but in different boats; this is true, but shortly we are all going to be sailing into different winds, some will hit calm seas and some will have to navigate even worse storms.

I wake up in the night (usually woken by the strange teenage nocturnal screech creature mentioned above) and I lie there in the dark wondering how it will pan out. I think I’ve driven my poor husband crazy with my “what if this happens” and “what if that happens…”

He just calmly says, have any of your brides decided they are not getting married at all? I say No. He then says so it’s just a case of juggling then, and moving it around- it’s a challenge, you thrive on challenge Bex, its literally what powers you, I’ve never seen you be defeated by anything or anyone and I’ve known you since you were 7.

Yep, we met in 1977. He is my Han Solo and, yeah if I say I love you, or he says it to me, we do sometimes say “I know” in that infuriating tone. (BTW we just had an Episode 4 to 6 binge watch with our son Rowan, over last 3 days, which was great, though I think I’ll need another month of lockdown before I can face the Pants Menace…)

So I’ve tried to stay calm, keep my inner peacock slightly less crazy than it wanted to be, and keep it coaxed down from that far away tree it flew to in the initial stages.

I’ve set myself little goals each week.

The rainbow veil on a bike challenge, which ended up in insta stories on @unconventional_wedding, and @rocknrollbride .

Adding items to Etsy…

And making new designs, as I currently have this strange thing called time…!

So I’ll leave you with an image of the new design, which I have asked for name suggestions for on my Facebook page, as I could not think of one. Now I have the problem of choosing one of the many amazing names suggested!

So in the spirit of the current times and learning ways to adapt and deal, I decided to pick several of the celestial themed names.

NOW I HAVE TO MAKE MORE DRESSES!

See, as usual, my brilliant followers and friends have helped me out.

I think I’m going to call this first one Andromeda (thank you Gem Stockdale)

And I’m going to come up with more starry designs for the other names. Keep the names coming as I’ll just keep designing …

ANDROMEDA named by Gem Stockdale xx

Not a question I thought I’d ever have to ask myself??

Bexbrides is my passion and fills at least 80% of my waking hours, so to suddenly have it thrown up in the air and feel like someone locked the door and threw away the key has been a totally bewildering and terrifying experience.

I’ve been through all the same stages as every other business owner, and let’s face it, human being.

They (the powers that be, the YouTubers, the life coaches, the psychologists etc) tell us that dealing with a pandemic is like the stages of grief.

SHOCK & DENIAL

PAIN & GUILT- …

ANGER & BARGAINING- …

“DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS- …

THE UPWARD TURN- …

RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- …

ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

In my life I’ve had my share of loss, I lost my beautiful only sister when she was 21 , she was a Firefighter killed on duty.

So these stages are no strangers to me, but it took some reconciliation to apply them to what was happening around me.

Also unlike bereavement, when you feel it’s a very individual thing, and that only you and your immediate family are affected, yet the rest of the world still keeps turning.

This is different, we are all in it together.

It’s been a total roller coaster for me and my business.

Way back in mid January ( what feels like about a decade ago , but was only 3 months ) I started to have to juggle things a little, as fabric and trim orders were delayed, because China had this thing called Corona. It all seemed very far away, and a minor inconvenience.

Then as the death numbers were coming out (which we all know know were massively ramped down by at least a factor of 10 to 20) it seemed a bit worrisome.

Then news of its spreading to Italy and to the UK.

Still we were not unduly alarmed.

We are after all the nation whose every household has a wall sign or a mug or a T shirt that says

“KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON”…

Then early March it all got a bit more real, but only for weak old people with pre-existing conditions, right?

I remember vividly being on a photo shoot on the 10th March, a glorious day with amazing suppliers, creating awesome images and content for all our marketing. That night , I didn’t sleep well, and the next day I rang my parents to advise them to self isolate, I anticipated an argument, but no, they had already decided the day before to do it.

OMG, this is a bit scary, I don’t want to lose my parents!

Then the news, more news and partial lockdown, so my staff Marie and I we started making playlists of 80s songs to keep us sane, because, well, that’s what women in their late 40s do right? The songs of the 80s were written for this!

Then slowly inexorably the shut down unfolded, before our unbelieving eyes and ears.

In a matter of a couple of days I went from dealing with planning my brides fittings to be brought forward to enable me to be well ahead with my workload in case I became ill, so no bride would be let down. To dealing with weddings guest numbers being restricted to 100, to 50, to 2 to zero.

No weddings , my clients big days, all those hopes ,dreams, hours of planning, excitement, Pinterest boards galore all disappearing like bubbles being popped, or stars in the night going out.

It seemed unreal, brides brought weddings forward only to find out the night before in the hotel with family and friends that the wedding the next day was cancelled.

I can not describe the emotions I felt for my brides, you build such a relationship with them for up to 2 years over emails, messages, consultations and fittings.

Normally we laugh, joke, cry, in addition to the obvious dress design journey and making then all feel fecking damn amazing on their big day.

I also offer support over things like arguments over table plans, awkward bridesmaids, cake flavors , who to use for your photos, which venues are awesome, anecdotes to sooth nerves and worries.

I’m good at that, I’m patient, easy to talk to, apparently very funny🤪 and an all round nice person so I’m regularly told😍.

But this, this I’m not prepared for this.
Weddings being basically removed from human life.

WTAF!

How the hell do I deal with this, my inbox every day, was (and still is) brides whose weddings were on hold, postponed, cancelled or just generally we have no idea if we can get married.

I had brides who had already lost weddings in the Thomas Cook crash, who lost them for a 2nd time😢😢😢

I felt like I was on runaway train with no driver, no brakes, and who knew where the track was even going.

My brain was in 2 halves, two plates wildly spinning, one half worrying that my parents would catch Corona, that at some point during this hideous nightmare had morphed into the much more nasty, yet impersonal sounding Covid 19, that my children or husband would catch it.

That some one I loved, or knew would die, that I might die!

The other half worrying about my brides, and their long hoped for dreams and expectations.

Then the worry about my business, my passion and would I lose my business, 11 years of blood sweat and tears ( and the guilt I felt worrying about money and material things at this time absolutely tore me apart from inside)

One night I stayed awake the whole night rehearsing what to say to my employed member of staff Marie, who is also one of my best friends, I feared I would have to lay her off.

The next day I spoke to my accountant to tell him who says WAIT there might be help coming from the government.

So instead Marie and I had a candid conversation about what we could do to protect our future.

Then we had to make the plans to close the studio until further notice.
It all seemed so unreal, I only close once a year at Christmas, and that takes some planning, this was so rushed.

It felt very odd.

Add to that the other half of my brain looking after my husband who had frantically been making GCSE learning packs for his pupils for 2 weeks, then suddenly I have to tell my 15 year old daughter, that she is leaving school in 48 hours, no GCSEs will be sat ( husband scrap all those 2 weeks work of books you made..) the prom dress you picked up 2 days ago will never be worn.

The whole thing was just insane.

I could not cope.
I can not cope.
I will not cope.

A few years ago I had a nervous breakdown , the final acceptance of my sisters death and work overload amongst other things, I had an amazing psychotherapist, she helped me fix myself, and after 2 years she read me a short book called the Tree who survived the winter.

She taught me I was the tree who survived the winter.

So I got out my mental tools, and made the executive decision that my business could live without me being there for 80% of my waking hours, I set aside time to speak to and reassure brides, I put monetary plans in place to throw Bexbrides Ltd a life raft should she need it, but I left her doggy paddling and floating adrift a sea of uncertainty, I love the sea, it’s my favourite place, but you can’t tame it you have to go with the ebb and flow.

So Bex the human, not Bex the Bexbrides Designer, took up a new pastime for 3 weeks, she became the keeper of her sanity, she walked, she read, she gardened. She painted her gates, her sheds, her fence, next doors fence.

She filled holes in the outside walls, she painted the outside walls.
She cycled, she walked some more.

She spent time with her husband and children. She cooked tea every night ( normally only does this once a week as she works til 8/9pmn normally)

She learnt how to use Google hangout and Zoom to keep In touch with family and industry colleagues.

She learnt to be patient, shop only when she really needed to, to queue , 2 metres apart , she found a quiet place in her heart and head that she had nearly forgotten existed.

She still keep a check on Bexbrides LTD see if it was still floating, kept in touch with all her clients, drew up a strategy to ensure going forward all brides still received the same level of care and attention that Bexbrides LTD was famous for, whilst devising an empathetic and understanding way to still manage the work and cashflow for her clients.

This was a large worry, but totally unnecessarily so, as all brides were relieved to have structure and a plan, in these uncertain times.( I love my clients! )

Bex the human found she was actually managing to spin both plates, nearly dropped them a few times, but actually it was ok. She survived the winter ( well the first 3 weeks of a pandemic anyway…)

One day, today in fact, the day after she did the silly challenge with her daughter to ride wearing rainbow veils on their #dailyexercise she woke up, felt different.

Lay there a moment wondered what it was??

What is this feeling??

O M G

It’s creativity, its come back, the crazy peacock that took flight to some far away tree, its back.

So today I’m off to the Studio with lightness in my heart, I’m putting the heavy rock I’ve been lumping around down, in my new rockery in my newly tidied garden.

Today I’m off to make etsy orders, stars and Rainbows, for when Weddings start again, oh what a glorious day that will be.

Here is the etsy link for the veil ,bike and daughter not included…

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/772566104/ombre-wedding-veil-alternative-wedding

🦚🌈🦚🌈🦚🌈🦚🌈🦚🌈🦚🌈🦚🌈🦚